Click on image for the lowdown. 
====
| | | Forums66 Topics128,140 Posts1,056,776 Members48,454 | | Most Online14,466
Apr 26th, 2026 | | AD Chevy Trucks  Over 6,000 pictures Brad Allen has an awesome collection of Chevrolet factory pictures that he has set up from film strips. Check them out!
Lots of work on Brad's part ... pure enjoyment (and references) for you!
| | THANKS!
For helping keep this great
old truck web site
on the Internet for over 30 years! and not clogged down
with Ads!  Again, thanks!
| | | | Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,897 Member | | Member Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,897 | Tools of the Trade
Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, today the hammer is used as a kind of divining rod to locate tender body parts not far from the object you are trying to hit.
Mechanics Knife: Used to open cardboard cartons. It works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Vise Grips: Used to remove rounded off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxyacetylene Torch: Used to remove rounded of bolts and free any stuck part.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful to suddenly snatch flat metal stock out of your hand so that it smack you in the chest and throws your work across the room.
Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints, warts and calluses.
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering drop spindle trucks to the ground, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
Eight Foot Long 2X4: Used to pry truck upward off a hydraulic jack.
Tweezers: A tool used for removing small wood splinters.
Phone: A tool used for calling around to find another hydraulic floor jack.
E.Z. Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any drill bit.
Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build-up on crankshaft pulleys.
Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2" x 16" Screwdriver: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has accurately machined screwdriver tip on one end.
Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring Sulphuric Acid from a battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that you battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Aviation Metal Snips: See hacksaw.
Trouble Light: Sometimes called a drop light. Its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt. It can also be used, as the name implies to round off Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Detroit and rounds them off.
There is enough good in the worst of us and enough bad in the best of us that it does not behoove any of us to criticize the rest of us.
-
-
Be yourself. If you are ever lost, It will be much easier to find yourself if you know who you are!
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 176 Shop Shark | | Shop Shark Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 176 | ROTFL Thanks man!!! I haven't laughed that hard since, well, since last year. 
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
- Jesus -
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 50 Wrench Fetcher | | Wrench Fetcher Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 50 | This is so true. Still laughing. Thanks.
1951 1.5 ton 4400
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 591 'Bolter | | 'Bolter Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 591 | Mechainaic: this is truely insightful humor. | | | | | Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 1,586 Extreme Gabster | | Extreme Gabster Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 1,586 | yes that's good. That piece comes from Peter Egan, a automotive journalist. You can find his humor in Road & Track and Cycle magizine | | | | | Joined: Feb 2000 Posts: 5,228 'Bolter | | 'Bolter Joined: Feb 2000 Posts: 5,228 | You can add: The air operated impact wrench, best used for blowing dirt in your face and breaking off bolt heads.
The air ratched, best used for pinning you hand aganst the hot engine or sharp screw heads.
Joe | | | | | Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 385 'Bolter | | 'Bolter Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 385 | | | | | | Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 591 'Bolter | | 'Bolter Joined: Jan 2000 Posts: 591 | I was going to make a comment that it was very much like Peter Egan humor. I don't like Road & Track as much as I used to, but I buy it just for Peter Egan's column anyway. | | | | | Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 398 Member | | Member Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 398 | Another gem, Mechaniac! Luke has a knack for finding the humourous stuff and dropping by when it's needed the most. Regards, Wannabe 
"Don't expect anything and you'll never be disappointed"
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2003 Posts: 19 Member | | Member Joined: Jan 2003 Posts: 19 | Bolters:
Another excellent use for the Mechanic's Knife is locating the bone in your thumb!!!! | | | | | Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,897 Member | | Member Joined: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,897 | I forgot to add that Oxy/Acetylene torch is good for cutting coil springs befor putting scrap cars through the crusher and dropping hot molten metal down your sleeve and as you frantically try to get the burning metal out of your sleeve, you shake it into your glove where said burning metal sears the wrist, causing acrid stench of burning flesh as it melts into your skin and takes several layers of said burnt skin as well as a few good layers with it as you pull the finally cooled chunk of metal from your body 
There is enough good in the worst of us and enough bad in the best of us that it does not behoove any of us to criticize the rest of us.
-
-
Be yourself. If you are ever lost, It will be much easier to find yourself if you know who you are!
| | |
|
|
