Not arguing with your experience.
Just stating that the safe bet for the inexperienced is to follow the service manual.
Additionally I've had tapered wheel bearings heat when adjusted as you describe without backing off any, or not enough, just snug enough to remove any play.
There usually is slop in the threads, a few thousandths, When the second nut is run up tight against the first it pushes the first nut that much further in. Ed described this above and you hint to the same by noting how much snugger the bearings are after tightening the outer nut, going back to the first one and compensating. This is same principal/reason as guess and check with lock nut on rocker arms while adjusting valves.
Grigg
