From: Stovebolt HQ
To: ODSS
Subj: Situation Report
Not to worry, boys! Despite his best efforts to elicit information from me through chemical means (pouring Canadian rum down my throat), I held out. In fact, I probably wouldn't have been able to divulge the President's whereabouts even if he had been standing in front of me ... hic! ....
We rallied the HQ defenses (The Counter Canadian Assault Tactical Squad (or C.A.T.S) as well as called up the amphibious aerial assault team, commonly refered to as the "Ducks", who rapidly regrouped, counter attacked and drove off the Canadians in a spirited combined arms (legs, paws, webbed feet and wings, too) action. I think they/he retreated just down the Patuxent River a little bit. We are bracing for a counter attack but doubt it will happen. We'll probably be sounding the all-clear by Friday. Again, thank you for your support and good wishes. Stand by. This isn't over by a long shot, but I think we have the upper hand. And the C.A.T.S. and the Ducks remain out on roving patrol and they are ready for a fight, I'll tell you!
Oh, and we did manage to take a prisoner! A Colour Sergeant Appleton, to be exact. Quite a jolly fellow but alas, he will have to face a firing squad and die by shots ...
"I have only two men out of my company and 20 out of some other company. We need support; but it is almost suicide to try to get it here as we are swept by machine gun fire and a constant barrage is on us. I have no one on my left and only a few on my right. I will hold."
Respectfully Submitted,
J. Crosby, etc, etc.
