Benzdoctor,
A very strange deal indeed. While I think it might be something obvious, about the only thing that might stop your engine from breathing would be a exhaust that was 100% plugged solid.
Hydraulic lifters, even when bled flat will still allow the engine to breath. A busted cam or ripped timing gear would show up as a distributor rotor that didn't turn.
A mechanical problem as you describe doesn't sound feasible. I would check all ignition items again, including a test to make sure you had spark at the plug. Double check your timing..any gas fumes at all and the engine should snort or pop!
If you can have a friend crank the engine over, and as you lay your palm over the carburetor, feel absolutely zero suction, you have a real problem.
If you check your ignition system, I'll be you find the problem. Accel units have some baggage associated with them, things like bum solid state modules. Does your Accel unit want full battery voltage? If so, you shouldn't have any ballast resistor in the key circuit. Dig around, I'll bet you figure it out sooner than later.
Stuart
