Drained the oil, no metal shavings, looks good.
Dropped the pan, everything looks good.
Loosend the con rod bearings one by one, checking for a stuck one, looks good.
Same with the main bearings..looking good...wait, when the rear bearing is loose, the engine turns over really nice! Better take it off to make sure everything is alright. Uh oh..the bottom bearing half didn't come off with the keeper.

A careful look revealed the seam where the two halves meet, and it's not where it's supposed to be! Looks like the rear bearing has been spun. I found a few chunks of metal fused to the side of it, and some rainbow-looking discoloration on the crank right next to the bearing.

Obviously the bearing needs to be fixed and most likely replaced. I'm calling the engine shop first thing tomorrow. This definitely should be fixed by them for free in my eyes; it was driven 68 miles before the bearing went. I used regular 30W oil and it showed great oil pressure and everything the entire time. The only reason I can think of for a brand-new bearing to spin that early into its life is incorrect assembly.

Carl