***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
Compton, MD -- A team of research scientists, working at the ODSS Research Institute (part of the University of Compton campus), have determined that married men, ages 35 to 80, are highest risk of carrying coronovirus without symptoms and is recommending, in a paper to be published Monday in the Stovebolt Journal of Automotive Medicine and Taxidermy, that all men in that age and marital group are to self quarantine immediately to reduce exposure to women and children.
Quarantine centers are being set up in local garages and shops in the greater DELMARVA region. Married men, 35 to 80, are asked to report immediately to their local garage or shop and stay there for at least 14 days or longer if needed. To conserve resources, men are encouraged to "buddy up" in the quarantine centers.
"Well, I don't know about the rest of you weasel turds," said research team lead, Mike Roache, "But I'm feeling no pain, er, I mean no symptoms so I'm getting myself into my garag.... I mean quarantine center immediately."
For more details on this breaking news, please read the full article.
***30***
