Redneck Loveseat
By
John Smith, Stovebolt Interior Design Consultant
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Redneck Loveseat |
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By
John Smith, Stovebolt Interior Design Consultant
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Ever wonder what to do with your old beatup and unrestoreable tailgate? Don't trash it! Here's Stovebolt Style and Interior Design Consultant, John Smith (From the fashion capitol of the known universe, Golden Ill.) to tell us an oh-so-fashionable trick to save those "junque" tailgates from an ignominious end in the land fill. Fashionable, utilitarian and you'll be the envy of the neighborhood!
Being a good ol' Missouri boy I set (I know how to spell, like it sounds) down on one and I gave it a good cipherin' over and I think it was because my thinker was so close to the subject that I came up with the idea of hanging it on the garage wall as a seat. Just bolt the hinges and the chains to the wall and let it hang like it does on the truck. I'd even put innertube chain covers on it to really complete the look.
John Wears the pants
Being a man I would put it on the FRONT of the garage and use it for thinkin', board sawin',and sittin' and danglin' your feet. Girlies would probably hang it on the BACK of HIS garage so the he could look admire all the" have-to-have projects" rusting back there.And put a plant on it. I suppose IF a person didn't like the all-natural junkyard look that time so painstakingly put there, you could deface the beauty of it and fix the dents and breaks with 4-6 inches of body filler and paint it a real cool" Juniper Green "like factory. And like the death of real Harleys, some yuppie could buy a new tailgate, paint it some wholyguacamolecamelioncandy paint, wet sand and buff it till perfect, put stainless chains on it with gator skin covers,and call it art. And dare somebody to actually set on it!!
Now if the man is really wearing the pants, and this thing is still hanging after a week, it would be safe to complete the ensemble with the porchswing. Clear one or two of the refrigerators off the porch to make room (make sure you don't accidently get rid of the one with beer in it!). Be safe and check to see that the telephone pole prop is in a good spot to support the added weight (remember what happened when you hung that twelve pointer up last winter! ). I'd use 2 tailgates, 1 for the back and 1 for the seat. Hinge them together by welding two sets of hinges together. This will allow for the swingin' part and use about 3or 4 sets of chains to hold it up. No cheating by using the dogs chain and not using authentic stuff.
There are standards to be upheld you know! Since these are Chevy tailgates, not Toy ones, this is going to be heavy so you need 2 long bolts with eyelets and threads. These are hard to find but a good source is to look next door. Your neighbor surely has a utility pole with a couple of guide wires. The electric company adds them for looks, so taking the eyelets isn't a big deal. The nuts will come off better at night, so take along the brother-in-law who is not the favorite, a log chain, an adjustable wrench, and a truck with out-of-state license and get your swing hangers. Fasten one end of the chain to the truck and tell the brother in law to throw the log chain up high on the pole till it hooks.
Now you know why the choice of help and for heavens sake, be careful and don't touch him while he does this! If he lives, I mean succeeds, in doing that, drive forward real slow. Of course. that's all it will do because you borrowed a F__D right? The public is used to those people doing these things so protect the brotherhood and borrow one.
The pole will start to bend over, so go just enough to release the tension from the cable. Tell the brother in law to shinny up and take off the eyelet nuts with the adjustable. You know he can do it because your Dad said he had to be half squirrel to marry your sister.
It takes a couple of nuts
When and if he makes it down you should have the parts to complete your swing ! All you have to do now is go home, drill 2 holes through the porch roof and have the brother in law go up and put 2 nuts and 2 really big washers on the protruding bolts.
Hang up the swing and enjoy. Put a plant on it and ask the Missus to come out and smooch under the romantic blue glow of the bugzapper some night and then you will truly appreciate all the effort.
Plan "B"
If there seems to be resistance to your artistic efforts by the better half, you should probably start out by using a couple of ol' torque tube axle assemblies set in concrete for clothesline poles to soften up the acceptance of creations.
Women really like it when you think of them first.
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