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J.C. Milliman
Bad Weather Driving: Driving lessons from the WWF

 

    Did I say WWF?

    Ooops, I meant NASCAR. Professional wrestling, stock car racing -- It’s hard to tell the difference anymore.

    I’m not a NASCAR fan (obviously), but there are a few positives to be gleaned from the guys zipping around in "stock" (that’s a laugh) cars.

    We can learn how to react to bad weather.

    There are those among us who don’t seem to notice the weather at all. You know the ones – those who, despite the standing floodwaters on the road, the accretion of glacier-like ice packs on their windshields or fog thicker than smoke from the Apocalypse obscuring the front of their cars, drop that ole hammer and let the Bandit roll (while singing "Eastbound and Down," too no doubt…).

    Bad weather kept Al-Queda hunkered down in caves during Operation Anaconda. Around here? The bad-weather driving habits of a lot of drivers make me want to stay hunkered down in my cave, too.

    In last week’s rainstorm I couldn’t believe people doing things as dumb as driving in the rain without turning on their lights. Something as simple, easy and FREE (the added pull on a vehicle’s alternator to run headlights all the time, not just during rainstorms, only adds up to a few extra dollars of gas a year) as turning on the headlights to be seen by other vehicles in the rain shouldn’t require a state law.

    Have you ever, on a crowded and swift Interstate, attempted to switch lanes (after properly signaling) only to have a gray or light blue car without its headlights on suddenly appear out of the rain only feet from your bumper? I have and it’s almost enough to ruin a good set of boxers.

    And with so many NASCAR fans around here, you’d think they’d know what to do when it rains.

    Forget for a moment that NASCAR is merely the WWF with cars where the actors wear flame-retardant suits rather than flaming polyester loincloths. There are valuable lessons to be learned from the oval track boys and girls.

    For starters, what happens when the pitter patter of poor man’s fertilizer hits a Winston Cup oval? The yellow flag comes out, right?

    And what do Darryl, his brother Larry and his other brother Larry (Oops, I mean the drivers) do under a yellow flag?  No kidding, huh? They slow down, get in line and follow each other at appropriate intervals. Some even get off the track altogether and take the opportunity to visit the pit area.

    Most roads around here are country roads suffering from too much traffic. Add rain, poor visibility and drivers who insist on operating their vehicles like they are vying for the pole position at Watkins Glen … yikes.

    So here’s what we do – mount GPU-2A 20 mm gun pods on our vehicles and when we see somebody driving like an idiot in the rain (a target rich environment around here…) we wait for the tone and then … GUNS, GUNS, GUNS!!!!!!

    Ahem, I hope neither my probation officer nor my therapist reads this.

    No, we abhor road rage. We make like the NASCAR teams do and ensure we are ready for the adverse road conditions and then react properly when confronted by them. It’s simple:

• First of all, when the wipers come on, so should the lights!
• Slow Down!! Get the "feel" of the road and adjust speed accordingly.
• Be sure tires have plenty of tread and are properly inflated.
• When slowing or stopping, gently apply the brakes.
• Be constantly alert for signs of hydroplaning.

    Do we recognize hydroplaning when it happens? Hydroplaning occurs when we go fast enough that our tires can no longer maintain contact with the road and ride on the water covering the road, rather than channel it away.

    Without that direct contact between the tires and the pavement, somebody hydroplaning has no traction and without that, they won’t be able to steer or stop – not exactly a good situation when they can hardly see, they’re doing 75 and juggling the cell phone and the Palm Pilot while zigzagging around the Amish carriages on the back road.

    Good thing they have that sturdy luxury SUV – maybe they’ll survive meeting Mr. Phone pole.

    But to avoid that meeting, just drive sensibly for the conditions -- steer smoothly without jerking; inflate tires to properly inflated pressure; drive in the tire prints of the vehicle ahead, where the water has already been displaced; leave extra space between you and the traffic ahead; and (my favorite!) get an early start allowing enough time to reach your destination.

    As we are going to keep driving like Winston Cup anyway, we might as well go all the way. When the rain starts, let’s pretend there’s a Yellow Flag. You know what that means!

    Slow down and don’t pass the pace car!